I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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