i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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