Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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