I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
