my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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