The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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