what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.