Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.