Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.