On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?