your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat