Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.