We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with