it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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