If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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