I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's blow job season.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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