She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
