Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
