Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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