Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
