I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
