just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
