You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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