I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
