Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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