Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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