Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
