Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize