She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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