Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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