someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
