I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Its about making memories worth repressing
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.