"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize