dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
