u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
