i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
