im having a threesome with these popsicles
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
