just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My bed smells like the plague
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
