That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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