the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
