she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you never un-have a 4some
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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