I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
