like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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