I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
