sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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