You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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