so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Enjoy the penises
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
