Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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