I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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