Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They have beer where we have blood.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
