Jerry, you need to find god
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
