I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
