I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
