My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
