Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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