i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
