She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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