We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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