She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's always time for handjobs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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