Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
