What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
