His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
