8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
