I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize