How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
