My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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