420 ftw
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
