now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
