Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
