I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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