Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
