The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
