Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
